Thursday, November 13, 2008

Let's be an HONEST person..

Have you ever asked yourself the following questions:
What does "being honest" really mean?
Do I have to say everything I think to be considered an “honest” person?
Aren't certain truths better left unsaid?
Being an honest person is being able to think, do, say and feel the same thing. If you think or feel something and you don't act accordingly, you're not being true to yourself and/or to others.
Being honest doesn't necessarily mean having to say everything we think and feel. However, when we do decide to speak or act, our words and actions should always correspond to what we think and feel.
Let us have a look at some of the fears that prevent us from being honest.
The Fear of Displeasing
Has anyone ever asked your opinion about something you didn't like or which you thought was ugly? How did you answer? Did you act the same way most people do, finding reasons to avoid saying what you were really thinking so as not to displease the other person?
People frequently agree with their spouse because they are afraid to displease them. Others force themselves to do everything in their power to please another even to the point of sacrificing their own wishes.
The Fear of Another Person’s Reaction or Anger
This is one of the greatest fears preventing us from being honest.
Here are several examples:
¨ A mother who says to her child: “I'll give you permission but don't tell your father.”
¨ A child who hides his school marks from his parents.
¨ A wife who lies to her husband about the cost of her purchases.
¨ A man who invents excuses when he arrives home late.
¨ A wife who tells her husband that she was busy all day when in fact she saw a friend and didn't do much at all.
Alcoholics, smokers and people who judge their own weaknesses also secretly fear the reactions and opinions of others.
Fear of Not Portraying the Desired Image
Rigid people who are overly self-controlling often have this fear. The judgements and opinions of others are very important to them. These people try to look and be their best at all times.
They also have a tendency to lie to themselves. For instance, when they say: “I am no longer addicted to cigarettes”, they are very often only trying to control themselves and are secretly envious of those who still smoke.
They also tend to be overly controlling of their weight, what they eat, their outings, their friends, the way their houses look; anything that others could judge as being imperfect. They may also lie about their children or spouse if the lies support the image of the perfect parent (or spouse) that they are trying to maintain.
Fear of Not Being Good Enough:
Once committed to something, many people feel that they have to perform or carry out their commitments even if it exceeds their limits. They may find themselves stuck in situations that do not match their feelings or their desires. These people are often perfectionists who believe that they never do enough, or that what they do is never good enough.
Fear of Appearing Ungrateful
¨ Saying: "Thank you, I love your gift" when it is simply not the case.
¨ Inviting someone along whose company you don't really like just because they invited you before.
¨ Visiting your parents regularly even though you would prefer to see them less often.
¨ Choosing a career to make your parents happy even though you would be better suited to another job.
¨ Making love to your spouse even though you don't want to because he or she has just taken you out or given you a present.
¨ Feeling obligated to help someone even though you have plans just because they have helped you out in the past.
Fear of Losing or of Not Having Enough:
People who are frightened of not having enough are often the type to cheat on their income tax returns or on an insurance claim. Others will get a doctor to certify that they are unable to work so that they may receive sick benefits when in fact, they are capable of working. Others will take a day off, telling the boss that they are ill, when they are actually having fun or just lounging around.
The fear of losing one’s partner can also cause a person to be dishonest and remain silent about their true feelings.
They know that their relationship is superficial but the fear of being abandoned by their spouse or partner is stronger than their desire for an honest open relationship. The fear of abandonment can cause them to bury their heads in the sand instead of discussing their true feelings with their partners.
Some people will even act affectionately and attentively to their partners, only to turn around and unleash their pent-up criticisms behind their back to whoever is willing to listen.
These people will often say, “It doesn't bother me”, when in fact, what has just happened or been said really did upset them. In most cases, this behavior is motivated by the fear of losing someone or something.
As you can see, lies hide all sorts of fears! When you realize that you haven't been honest, try and find the fear which caused you to be untruthful. The good side of lying is that it helps you to become aware of the fears which stem from your childhood wounds. The most common wounds that we experience in childhood are: rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal and injustice.
The previously mentioned examples of why we resort to lying are caused by one of these wounds. Lying is a form of human protection. People who lie may have a subconscious belief that by not being honest, they will no longer feel their wounds. This belief is false; it only creates an illusion of protection. The wound remains whole and the fears enliven and feed it.
Lying to yourself and others leads to harmful consequences:
¨ Lying creates unease in relationships.
¨ Lying blocks our ability to create in accordance with our real needs, therefore blocking our creativity.
¨ Continually blocking our real needs negatively affects our physical body, thus eventually leading to illness. Some most common illnesses related to an inability to live truthfully are throat, jaw, teeth and gum disorders; torticollis (wryneck) and laryngitis.
¨ Those who have a fear of moving forward often have problems with their legs, feet and sciatic nerve.
¨ The depth of the wounds experienced in childhood and the degree of the fears you have carried since then will determine the gravity of the illness. It is therefore urgent to make a decision to be honest even if it seems to be a difficult thing to do in the beginning.
How To Live Honestly
Forgive yourself for having been dishonest, understanding that you were simply afraid of suffering.
Decide to be true from now on, knowing that at the beginning you won't always be able to. It will become easier with practice.
Tell the people close to you about your decision to be honest. Explain that you don't know how this decision will affect the way you act or speak and that they should be prepared to see a difference. Allow yourself to be clumsy at the beginning.
When you're afraid to tell the truth, take a deep breath, admit your fear and dare to be honest. You will be very happy to see that your fear wasn’t real after all and that since it was based on a past experience, it does not necessarily reflect your reality today.
At the end of the day, reflect on and take note of those moments when you weren't true to yourself or true to another person. Try to pinpoint which fears are at the root of your lying. Allow yourself to have these fears and accept that being afraid is only human.
Whenever possible, admit it to the person concerned, the next day if necessary.
You will like the rewards of being honest so much that, after a time, it will become natural to be truthful all of the time.
Your relationships will improve and your creativity will develop to the same degree. You will discover your "true self" and you will stop cultivating the false personalities that rob you of your energy and individual potential. Instead, you will use your creative energy to open up the doors of abundance in all areas of your life.

1 comments:

rizq

a great article and motivates the readers..keep up the good work and continue motivating others. Would like to read more of your creative writing and keep on updating this blog with more motivating stories..thanks you light up my life!

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